thoughts…

My grandpa passed away Sunday morning. I believe he was 90, maybe 91, not sure. I didn’t know him real well. He was my dads, dad. There had been a rift in the family, a lot of unhealed emotions, stupid grudges held far too long.

I ran into him at a grocerie store in South Bend that I don’t think I had ever been to, or been there since. I was about 19 then. He gave me his phone number, but made me promise not to give it to any of my relatives, including his children.

The woman I have known as my grandma was his 2cd wife. My dads mom passed away when I was a baby. His 2cd wife and the rest of my family didn’t get on too well. She was the cause of a lot of hurts.

At the point of that run in when I was still a teenager, I started praying for my family to reconcile. It broke my heart that he wouldn’t even speak to them. I don’t even know why anymore. Not sure he did either, but anyhow.

5 or 6 years ago, he allowed my aunts back into his life, so did his wife, as much as she was capable at least. But not my dad. A few weeks ago my grandpa had a stroke. It wasn’t looking good. 1 of my cousins finally was finally able to take him to their home to care for him until he passed.

Thankfully, THANKFULLY, my dad was able to appologize at a point when he was lucid and they righted the situation. I don’t think they had spoken since I was a kid. I’m 34(!) It just blows my mind.

I know that at some point he was Lutheran. My cousin spoke to him about the Lord.  There have been times in my life when I questioned why God put me w/ this family.  I know He knows the big picture and all that, don’t preach to me. But Sunday afternoon I was thinking about what kind of life my aunts and uncle and dad would have had, what kind of life me and my brother would have had, if they had lived a Christ like life. I am not saying whether I think they were Christians of not. The Bible says we can judge them by their fruit, that said, I’d say not. But I don’t know what was in their hearts.

I have heard speakers who talk about leaving a legacy of Christs love for your children. I think about that and how different life could have been………….

All in all, it makes me want to work harder to leave a legacy of Christ in my children’s lives. Dh’s grandparents were Christians, and I mean people who loved Jesus. And I hear his family, he has 9 aunts and uncles talk about their parents, with love, they have such great memories.

My family doesn’t have anything like that. Nothing. Not to say they don’t have some good childhood memories, even the worst of homes have a few of those. I even have some. But there isn’t that rich, full, happiness that Dh’s family has. There is no faith in any of it.

I am sad that my grandpa is gone. I am sad that there was no time left after the reconciliation. But I have so much peace knowing that it happened and that he had peace w/ Christ.

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~ by doulangel on January 6, 2009.

7 Responses to “thoughts…”

  1. so sorry to hear about your grandpa, and glad to hear there was some healing before his passing. Thankyou for reminding me how precious it is to come from a line of believers.

  2. My family has a lot of similar “not speaking to each other” issues, so I can relate and love to hear about reconciliation…it is so sad though, that it can’t happen while there is still time to repair relationships, etc… CRAZY how family can be so mean to each other…I appreciate your thoughts on a loving and Godly legacy, thanks!!!

  3. I’m sorry for your loss Kris. You may not have been close, but I’m sure you still feel the loss of a relative.

  4. I think it can be more of a loss when you don’t have the memories to cling on to. My thoughts go with you.

  5. thanx ladies, luv you all:)

  6. Kris, I’m really sorry to hear about your loss, and about your family struggles. As I was reading, though, I was struck by the priviledged situation you are in – you get to be the “ground-breaker” in your family heritage. God called YOU to begin a love for Jesus in your family line that will continue for generations. Perhaps, until now, there was no one else who could be entrusted with the responsibility of building a heritage. But he’s trusting you with it. Wow…

  7. it is always sad to lose someone as you and your father had with your grandfather many many years ago, but then to find him again and lose him so soon again is bittersweet… sad that he has passed but happy that peace was finally made

    I’ve never understood how families can fall apart this way; I think people have to be strong and bite their tongues to keep the peace within because family is important; my children have a close relationship with their aunts and uncles and cousins and the memories of the influence and encouragement from their grandparents cannot be underestimated.

    Religion does not have to play any role in this… my family were more orthodox than my husband’s, but each family’s love was no different. Faith is one thing – it is important – but even those without faith can be raised and brought up in loving caring kind and beautiful families who do right by each other and to their neighbour.

    Hope all is well with you and your lovely little ones

    lotsa luv ann xxxxx

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