letting go..

I’ve recently had to let go of some things. Some things that have been a part of my life for what seems like forever. One of them was a long time friend. A friend who I’ve been thru everything from tragedy to childbirth with. I haven’t talked to her in months.  There aretimes when I go to pick up the phone and have to stop myself. Some days I miss her so much it hurts, and I’ll dream of her at night. I find myself making excuses why I really do have to call her. But don’t. Not that we ever had a really deep relationship like I do w/ my other bffs. The kind of healthy relationship that includes hurt and forgiveness. The kind where you can talk when you’re ticked at each other. We never really had that. I think that what we had lasted so long b/c we were convenient and comfortable w/ each other, and the fact that we’ve been around each other since we were kids, and then that tiethat connects people who have been thru hardship together. But it’s over now. And some days I feel a void where she should be.

Another thing I’ve had to let go of recently is pain. I know I’m not the only one o/ there who has held onto dysfunction. I’ve found myself thinking I’ll just keep it a little while longer. It’s protecting me you know? It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. If I let go of the pain, then I have to acknowledge why it’s there. I have to think about or deal w/ whatever caused it. And I don’t like to do that.

What frustrates me is that sometimes I think I’ve dealt w/ it. I think I’m over it. Then it rears it’s ugly head at me again. I know I’ve forgiven, and then I have to do it again, and again. And that sucks. It’s like trying stretch scar tissue. 


~ by doulangel on November 23, 2008.

3 Responses to “letting go..”

  1. Been there on both accounts. Sometimes friendships, even ones from childhood, just run their course. Or as I say “the sun has set on our day in the sun”. lol

    Hang in there, my friend!

  2. It’s 8-and-a-half years since I lost my mother, and still, when I have something exciting to share, I first think of calling her.

  3. Oops, that was me.

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