another passing….

I feel like in this life, we are afforded few places and people of oasis. One of my closest friends, Mel, is one of those for me. She is a place I go to for all the joys and sorrows this world gives us. I absolutely adore her and her family.

We met in 1997 when Hubby and I had moved to Springfiled MO where he went to Bible College. We clicked almost instantly and have been close ever since. We were pregnant together, had the same due date even. They now live in New Mexico and we Michigan. She grew up in IN just 45 minutes away from we. We laugh about how we grew up so close to each other, but didn’t meet till we all ended up in MO. This is how we still see each other, is when she comes up to visit her family.

Mel has one of those families that you just naturally blend into as they adopt you as their own. I love them all very much. About 2 years ago her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were shocked, but held out hope and prayed. About a year latter we rejoiced when she was declaired cancer free. A few months latter we were dismayed when it came back with a vengence and attacked her liver. I will admit to all but loosing hope and faith at this point.

Mel moved her parents down with her about 5 months ago, as they have a large house and more time to help care for her. I breathed a sigh of relief in this as I knew how hard it was on her to be so far away. About 3 weeks ago her parents made the 2 day drive to IN to visit their 4 other grandchildren and Mels sister and husband. 14 days after they returned to NM, she has passed away. I believe it was sometime late Friday night, early Saturday morning. She got ahold of me Saturday afternoon after our soccer game.

There was some sense of relief in that she was no longer suffering. The last week had been particulary difficult. She declined rapidly. I thank God for the hospice angels. I climbed in bed for a nap that day and cried. I have lost a spiritual mother. I do take the same comfort in that she is with her Lord, that she loved so much. And even more so in that she isn’t in pain anymore. The last 3 months she had been in almost constant pain.

But this one hurts so much more. I thought I was ok though, my life still goes on with the same crazy fervor that family life does. I was shopping with a couple of girl friends last night. We had went to Michaels craft store and were picking up some things for the mother-daughter thing we’re planning at our church. At the end of one of the isles I noticed this breast cancer braclet. I looked at it and of course thought of Mels mom. This unexpected rush of emotions and tears flowed over me. Here I am at the end of the glitter isle at Michaels greiving0. Thankfully I got it under control b4 anyone noticed. But then it happened again in the van with the kids today. As this song came on, I’m suddenly in tears. I just didn’t expect this.

I guess this in the closest death has come to me in the form of someone I love. I am comforted in knowing where she is, but I want her back. I want my friend to be happy again. I want her daughter to have more time with her grandma. I don’t want her dad to loose the woman he has loved for the last 39 years. I don’t want her to be in pain, I don’t want her to have cancer. I hate cancer. I hate the word, I hate all the fear and pain it insights.

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~ by doulangel on May 4, 2007.

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